Frequently Asked Questions
Q. Am I ready to get married?
Q. Where am I going to find time for all of this?
A: Masha'Allah, did you find a way to teleport? No? Then that means you have commutes to class/work/home/mosque/not the hookah bar when you can listen to these things
Q. But it's so much information! It's gonna take forever!
A. First, that's not even a question. Second, no matter how conceivably long it takes you to get through all this, we’re hoping that your marriage is gonna last much longer. What’s a few months of study compared to a lifetime of marriage?
Q: Ok, I went through the entire website! Am I ready now?
A: First, congrats. You have must have had a ton of free time on your hands. Second, to address your actual question, we don’t know. How could we? We’d have to meet you, interact with you, and ask you a ton of uncomfortable questions. And then... We’d refer you to a marriage counselor. We’re not, in any way, qualified to answer that.
Q: Why don’t you have anything on halal dating?
A: Oh, sorry, you must have missed it. Here you go.
Q: Seriously though, where can I find info on halal dating?
A: Why you asking us when you already have experience with halal dating? Don’t believe me? Then what do you call that relationship you had with the Quran up until you stopped going to Sunday school in your teens? You met with it on the weekend, you were noncommittal, you never looked at the long-term, and now you miss it.
Q: What’s your definition of dating, anyways?
A: We’re referring to Western norms of dating, which means physical contact and seclusion prior to marriage.
Q: Great website, but I don’t agree with [insert imam/scholar/author name here]. They’re going to misguide people. Can you remove them from the site? It’d be perfect without them.
A: One second while we consult as a team on this… Yup. We have a consensus. We don’t care. If you don’t like them, ignore them. (Your loss)
Q: What madhhab (school of thought) does all this info follow?
A: If we told you, would that really change anything?
Q: What even qualifies you to make a website like this? What are your credentials?
A: Uhhh… well… we bought the domain name first. That probably counts for something, right? And we don’t really give you any of our opinions. We just link to other people whose credentials you can question. Go harass them. We think they’d like that.
Q: I don’t like learning through the filter of your sarcasm. Any first hand resources I can refer to?
A: For once, we’ll actually give you a serious answer. Check out California Islamic University. They’re legit and are also the source of our PDFs on marriage.
Q: Why did you create this website?
A: Sweet, sweet, Sadaqa Jarriya (Ongoing Charity). Also, we’ve witnessed too much ignorance in our community over this subject. The smartest people do the dumbest things when it comes to marriage and we’re convinced that it’s because of ignorance. We pray that it’s because of ignorance.
Q: Why do you think the divorce rate is so high for Muslims these days?
A: We have a hypothesis. Muslims really want to conform to Western norms. Why? Because they don’t trust that God knows best, but that’s another story. Anyways, they think that copying a method - dating, sleeping together, moving in before marriage, “falling in love”, proposing on one knee - that has worse than a 50% fail rate will make them happy.
Q: What do I tell people when they ask “Why don’t you date?”
A: Because God, Creator of the Heavens and the Earth and everything in between, said so. How do I know He said so? Because He said so in the Quran (not literally, but the injunctions against dating, as it is today, are clear). How do I know the Quran is from God? Now, we’ve got a conversation! This is where you talk about the amazing nature of the Quran. If you don’t know how to talk about this, might be worthwhile to start educating yourself on it...
Q: Bro, I’m living in the 21st century. No one cares what “God” said. What else can I say to people who keep asking about dating?
A: Tell them that in Islam, you don’t concern yourself with the opposite gender (in the romantic sense) until you’re ready to get married. And when you’re ready, you go through a courting process, which involves the parents from step one to ensure everyone’s rights and honor is respected.
Q: What’s so wrong with Zina (intimacy out of wedlock)? We’re two consenting adults and we’re using protection. What’s the harm in that?
A: Okay, so most people on this site probably aren’t asking this, but the Western world is increasingly asking the question so it’s good to try and understand God’s wisdom. Read this and realize that there are infinitely more reasons than the ones cited there, but we don’t know them all. Just trust that your Lord always knows best.
Q: I live in weird times where people are asking things like “Why is adultery so bad if it’s between two consenting adults and no one else knows about it?”
A: We live in that same, sad world. Read this.
Q: I found a girl, but I’m afraid to talk to her parents. Can I just propose to her directly and be done with it?
A: Excellent question, here’s what you need to do: go down to the nearest supermarket, buy some Similac baby formula, mix it with some water, and then drink that until you become a man.
Q: I prayed Istikhara and I didn’t see colors in my dreams, what’s up with that?
A: Istikhara isn’t about a feeling or colors or seeing anything! It’s about God guiding you to what’s best once you’ve made an educated decision. So calm down, stop with the weird superstitions and trust God.
Q: Is it true that I can see a potential spouse without hijab before marriage to make sure I know who I’m marrying?
A: Turns out Ahmed ibn Hanbal (founder of the Hanbali school of thought) allowed it so long as you don’t look with lust, but the majority of scholars said you can’t. Don’t act like you follow the Hanbal school all of a sudden. We promise your wife isn’t hiding a mohawk under there (okay, we’re 99.99% sure).
Q: Can I have more than one wife?
A: Masha’Allah, most people are struggling to find one spouse and you’re worried about your next? Save some wives for the the rest of us single guys out there.
Q: How do I contact you to complain/praise/tell you my marriage story?